Take your ball and go home

Today at work, I suffered a small, but infuriating injustice. Was it real or perceived? Not sure. Here's what happened.

I recently brought a fitness ball to work to sit upon instead of my less-than ergonomic office chair. The ball is about 3 feet in diameter but it fits neatly in my open, completely unprivate cubicle. My cubicle is in a far corner of one of the 4 floors occupied by my employer in a high-rise office tower. Few people have reason to visit this corner except for those whose cubicles or offices are near mine.

This afternoon I was told to take my ball home. Apparently, someone complained to my boss that it was unprofessional and takes up too much space. I was not told who made said complaint. I accepted the request from my boss without argument. I was caught off guard and unsure of how to react. We are expecting lay-offs due to budget cuts and my first thought when she asked to speak with me was that this might be it.

After the fact, however, I am irritated-outraged even! Do I let it go or is it my duty to protest? Does whoever complained about it really care about professionalism? Or is it more about keeping the cubicle-dwellers in their right place? My first instinct is to ask my boss who-- who had the audacity to make such a petty complaint about something so seemingly innocuous and none of his or her business.

My second instinct is to complain, loudly, to anyone who'll listen. This I have already begun to do. In the few hours since my boss made her request, I have told no less than 7 co-workers, and my husband, my daughter, and a friend. To experience my own outrage through the eyes of others is a way of affirming my justifiable rightness.

Of course, a question I've been asked to consider is "would I rather be right or would I rather be happy?" Can't I be both? Whatever is the "right" thing to do, I realize that this seemingly small offense touches a deep nerve. I have learned in recent years, whenever I have a problem with someone (or someone's request), the real problem lies with me. Take for example, the pursuit of instinct #1: Just asking the question would put my boss in an awkward position. Perhaps she is counting on my - um - professionalism to just take my ball and go home. And let it drop. She most likely has bigger fish to fry. And if I find out who it is, what purpose will it serve? Do I really want to start a "take your fitness ball to work" crusade? Is that a good use of my energy? Part of me, the part that asks whether it's my duty to protest, knows that the deep nerve that feels raw is about what's "fair" and about standing up for myself; but mostly it's about pride and ego. Sitting in a regular office chair will not make me less of a person - unless I allow it to.

And what about the pursuit of instinct #2: that's a tougher one and one that is harder for me to let go of. Sharing my frustration with loved ones is one thing. They don't work where I work. They won't be overheard by my boss or my boss's boss or other coworkers. They can offer me support and advice without being tied into the drama of my personal relationships at work. Sharing my outrage with my co-workers is a a whole different "ball" of wax. I'm purposely looking for signs of outrage as well as hints as to who the culprit is! Not very mature or thoughtful behavior. But I find it difficult to "let it go." Ah! The allure of justifiable anger!! Unfortunately, that's a luxury I can't afford.

In my pursuit of a resolution, I will have to ask for guidance on the next right thing to do. My boss did offer a consultation with our workplace's ergonomic expert. That's probably a good place to start. Wonder what he sits on?